Just felt like blogging, but it's late, and I'm too tired to put up a real post.
I'm really feeling the blog love right now, and I want each.and.every.one.of.you to know how much it means to me to know you're out there. Taking the time out of your own crazy-busy lives to peek in on mine, to offer your love, comfort and friendship to someone most of you have never even met. It's just amazing, and it means more than you'll ever know. Thank you.
My world these days is sorely lacking in affections and connections, I'm feeling sad and so very alone. As when any couple splits, friends are put in a tough spot, not wanting to choose sides, not wanting to get caught in the middle. Unfortunately, almost all of my friends were friends through DB's* work, so their side was pretty much chosen for them. My two closest friends here have moved back to the States. No one else here really knows about the split. It still has to be kept on the down low for now, for various reasons, and putting on the happy-wife, peachy-life face with acquaintances who don't know is just too much, I can't do it anymore. So, it's just me. All the time. Even work isn't much of a distraction, I have my own office, far away from everyone else. I'm the only person who works in my department now (yes, I'm the boss. no, I still don't have the job) I interact with tons of other people all day, but it's just business. I can't help but wonder if things would be better, or at least less lonely, back in the States? But I really don't think so. At least the kids are happy here. Back in the U.S. we'd all be miserable. I know I'll be happy again, and I know in my heart of hearts this is where I belong, I know this is where I'll find my happy again.
So, what's a sad, lonely girl to do? Wrap herself in cyber hugs and sunny vibes, pull up her big girl panties and get on with the business of making a new life as a sassy, super fabulous, single mom!
No more gray days. No more sad thoughts. No more tears. I'm done with "why me"s. Why not me? I'm the idiot who married him. I'm the dumb ass who sacrificed 7 years of her life with him, having kids and raising a family. No more "what if"s. What if he's selfish, shallow, lazy assclown who never deserved me in the first place? It's time to get myself up, dust myself off and get on with it. Whatever "it" is.
*Editor's note: DB = Dumb Bastard