Wednesday, June 2, 2010


Just felt like blogging, but it's late, and I'm too tired to put up a real post.  

I'm really feeling the blog love right now, and I want to know how much it means to me to know you're out there.  Taking the time out of your own crazy-busy lives to peek in on mine, to offer your love, comfort and friendship to someone most of you have never even met.  It's just amazing, and it means more than you'll ever know.  Thank you. 

My world these days is sorely lacking in affections and connections, I'm feeling sad and so very alone.  As when any couple splits, friends are put in a tough spot, not wanting to choose sides, not wanting to get caught in the middle.  Unfortunately, almost all of my friends were friends through DB's* work, so their side was pretty much chosen for them.  My two closest friends here have moved back to the States.  No one else here really knows about the split.  It still has to be kept on the down low for now, for various reasons, and putting on the happy-wife, peachy-life face with acquaintances who don't know is just too much, I can't do it anymore.  So, it's just me.  All the time.  Even work isn't much of a distraction, I have my own office, far away from everyone else.  I'm the only person who works in my department now (yes, I'm the boss.  no, I still don't have the job) I interact with tons of other people all day, but it's just business.  I can't help but wonder if things would be better, or at least less lonely, back in the States?  But I really don't think so.  At least the kids are happy here.  Back in the U.S. we'd all be miserable.  I know I'll be happy again, and I know in my heart of hearts this is where I belong, I know this is where I'll find my happy again.

So, what's a sad, lonely girl to do?  Wrap herself in cyber hugs and sunny vibes, pull up her big girl panties and get on with the business of making a new life as a sassy, super fabulous, single mom!

No more gray days.  No more sad thoughts.  No more tears.  I'm done with "why me"s.  Why not me?  I'm the idiot who married him.  I'm the dumb ass who sacrificed 7 years of her life with him, having kids and raising a family. No more "what if"s.   What if he's selfish, shallow, lazy assclown who never deserved me in the first place?  It's time to get myself up, dust myself off and get on with it.  Whatever "it" is.

*Editor's note:  DB = Dumb Bastard


Gaijin Wife said...

Seeing as DH is darlling husband I had just substituted the H for bastard for DB. But D definitely needs to be dumb.

It does sound lonely and a bitch that a lot of your couple friends were his workmates.

"So, what's a sad, lonely girl to do? Wrap herself in cyber hugs and sunny vibes, pull up her big girl panties and get on with the business of making a new life as a sassy, single mom"

Exactly - but blubs and nights of too much wine, where you end up slurring out obscenities about DB until the wee hours of the morning also might prove therapeutic. Of course you'd probably need to have sent the kids to friends houses to do that!

Are you joining the 4MC? We could have a cyber night on the piss as a reward for becoming skinny and fabulous? Slosh back vino and instant message our woes. Actually I don't need an excuse... let me know if you want to do that anyway :)

Big cyber hugs to you.

Gaijin Wife said...

Sorry, just seen you'r joined 4MC - excellent. support support. I have been doing so much better than I would have been otherwise if doing byself :)

rengawk said...

*poke poke*

The interwebs are here for youuuuuu.

Lurking at least. ;)

Be well, or at least try please!

Rachel said...

GW, let's have the cyber night out on the piss at then end of each successfully completed month?

Bryn said...

Thanks GW. I don't think I have anymore tears left for late night blubs, but the spewing of obscenities is definitely still possible.

Hi Ren - thank you so much!

Rachel & GW - I brought some loooovvveellly pineapple wine back from Okinawa, so I'm ready for cyber celebrations!

cameramom said...

Down with assclowns! Who needs 'em when you are surrounded by the love of non-stalking bloggy friends!

Lulu said...

Assclown indeed. Just immature on his part as well- you were in a public place, what did he think you were going to do?

What an idiot.

Don`t worry that you got upset. I would of totally been the same.

I have an ex who ignores me when we see each other too. I have tried to make an effort as we have both moved on but he is not interested and I just decided one day that I can ignore with the best of them!