Monday, June 7, 2010

It's all good.

I know it's been forever since I said it was getting close to decision-making time for my job.  Trust me, it's been even longer for me.  But finally, I should know for sure tomorrow or Wed. (the answer is coming from the Air Force Personnel Center in Texas, so with the 14 hour time difference it's a little harder to pin down a specific time) Things got so screwy towards the end of all the paper work, and I had such a tough time getting any straight answers from anyone, that I honestly have no idea which way things will go, it's a straight 50/50 split either way.  The anxiety of waiting has been excrutiating.  Beyond torture.  But now that the time has really come, now that there's every possibility that within the next 24 hours, the decision will finally be made, and I'll finally know whether or not we're staying in Japan.  I don't want to know!  *Sigh*  I don't want to have to start making decisions and making plans.  I don't want to have to start letting things go, and choosing other things.  I'm kind of happy here in my limbo on no decision, thank you very much.

Right now (and of course, this changes daily) I'm okay with whatever is going to happen.  If I don't get the job, and we have to move back to Florida, well, there are certainly far worse things that could happen.  Yes, we'll all be heartbroken to leave Japan, especially Gabi.  And I'll be beyond disappointed to have lost out an such a fantastic job and the incredible benefits that would have come along with it, but.........yeah, that's about it.  We'll be okay.  We love Florida, and Ft. Walton is the one place in the U.S. I've always said I wouldn't mind living again.  The schools are great, the beaches are incredible (if you don't mind oil slicks) and because it's a tourist town, there's always, always something fun to do.  Great shopping, tons of awesome restaurants.  Compared to Tokyo, the cost of leaving is ridiculously low, so we could scrape by on just my child support and savings for awhile, as we're getting settled and I'm looking for a job.  Having to go back there definitely wouldn't be horrible.  So I'm okay with whatever happens, if we stay, or if we go.  At least for now, check back tomorrow and I'll probably be beside myself with anxiety and dread, completely freaking out about whatever decision has been made.  For now, it's all good.


Lily said...

Fingers crossed for you to stay here in Japan. I will write you an email tonight about the plans.

Cecilia said...

Sending positive vibes :)

thefukases said...

fingers crossed for you (whichever way you're feeling at this second! ;P)

You're wonder woman- all the crap you've been going through and you still had this hanging over your head as well??? Wow. I think I'd be a gibbering mess hiding out in my futon!

Bryn said...

Thanks Lily and Cecilia. We've all got everything crossed, double crossed, but at the same time, trying to keep ourselves busy and distracted so we don't drive ourselves crazy with waiting and worrying.

Fuka-chan - I think the same thing about you all the time! I'm frequently a gibbering mess, and if I had futon, I definitely be hiding out in it! I'm just to incoherent to blog about it at the time, then to ashamed to admit it afterwards! LOL

fura said...

Hi Bryn,
Just jumping over from the challenge to say I'm sending lots of positive thoughts to you and hope it turns out the best way for you tomorrow!

Rachel said...

When you wrote 'cost of leaving' instead of 'cost of living' I'm wondering if that was a plain typo, or a Freudian slip, you really having 'leaving' on the mind?

Me? I think I'd prefer to go 'home', but we have a nice life here, I'm not upset about being here, just the pull of home is still very strong.