Saturday, May 15, 2010

My poor babies!

I'm not a gardener by any stretch of the imagination.  Both of my thumbs are black and moldy.  I've killed way more than my fair share of houseplants, flowers, shrubs, trees, even grass!  But last summer, inspired and aided by my expert gardener neighbor Sarah, I labored for hours clearing out the brown, dry, overgrown flowerbed beside my front porch.  I found a ridiculously hardy flowering bush (at least I think it's a bush) with the most beautiful bright pink and violet blossoms.  That thing grows at an astonishing rate, and spreads like wild fire!  So, so pretty.  Last year I just dropped the seeds in the flower bed, no holes dug, no dirt covering them, and they went crazy!  I fed and watered and weeded everyday.  I even put up a big beach umbrella everyday, during the hottest, sunniest time, to protect the tender, little shoots from too much sun.   I also transplanted a big elephant ear plant (don't know the real name) and had such a lovely garden when it was all grown in.  I loved sitting out on the lawn as the sun went down, just staring at it.

Over the long, cold winter, everything died and withered away.  There was literally nothing left but dirt.  I was so sad, but Sarah assured me everything was fine and that all my beauties would re-emerge in the spring.  I watched and worried for weeks, until finally, some tiny, little, green heads began poking their way through the dirt.  My scrappy little garden had made it!  Even my elephant ear had re-sprouted!  I was so excited, and so proud!

The base housing management office has really strict requirements for lawn maintenance, and if your grass gets too long, you get a ticket (3 tickets = your boss being notified that your place looks like crap and you refuse to do anything about it, which could mean a nasty write-up in your file, or even a fine)! They do yard inspections every Tuesday. Yeah, it sucks.  So, my lawn mower broke a few weeks ago and I haven't had a chance to get another one and my lawn was starting to look a little scraggly, so I called someone I saw advertising lawn care.  Two high school boys showed up this morning and started cutting the grass.  I didn't know they were coming today, and they didn't talk to me, or ask what or how I wanted the yard done.  But I didn't think much of it at the time.  I walked out the front door about 30 minutes into their work to check their progress. You've probably guessed where this is headed.......

I nearly crapped my pants right there on the front porch!  One of those little fuckers had WEED-WHACKED MY ENTIRE FLOWER BED!!!!!!!!  I swear I started gasping for breath, I was so shocked, just stood there for a few seconds with my mouth hanging open, eyes bugging out of my head.  HE WEED-WHACKED MY PRECIOUS BABIES!  BRUTALLY HACKED THEM ALL TO DEATH!  WTF?!?!?!?! 

Granted, nothing was flowering yet, and things looked a little overgrown, but that's how I like my garden.  I don't like straight, clean, orderly lines, I like my plants to look a little more......chaotic.  But it's ordered chaos.  It's very clearly a flower bed, a separate area from the lawn, and it definitely didn't look like a bed of weeds that needed to be exterminated!!!  I'm devastated!  I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to salvage the few little greenies that survived the massacre.  Tenderly clearing away the victims, giving some extra TLC to the wounded.  I'm so upset.  Even my elephant ear!  Annihilated!  There's NO WAY that beautiful green sprout, trying to stand so tall and proud, looked like a weed! 

The plant murderer looke suitable embarrassed and apologized, and even tried to water the bed a little later, but that shit still had the nerve to ask for payment!  That elephant ear cost $20 last year!  And the rest of the yard looked like crap, none of the actual weeds even got whacked!  Ethan could have done a better job cutting the grass with his safety scissors!  So I only paid them half of what I agreed to, and they will not be touching my yard again.  *Sigh*

This was last year.  My goldfish bowl on the front porch, and one of my elephant ears.

About halfway through last summer.  That's the transplanted elephant ear on the far right.

My crazy bush just starting out last summer.  These are on the side of the house.

This was my "before" picture for this year. 
I couldn't bring myself to take a picture post-slaughter. My poor, poor babies!

1 comment:

thefukases said...

Ohhh I feel your pain!

And at least you could fine your murderers! I'm married to/ mum to mine. I swear let a man have any kind of pruning equipment and you're in for trouble!

If you'd like a garden donation just let me know your address and I'll send you off some unkillable, hardy stuff. The kind that your kids can trample, city-bred folk can park their lawn chairs on, the dog can decide to use as a bed and still it bounces back to life.