...an update of the UBs, that is. I've gotten lots of comments and e-mails lately, ever so gently and politely asking how things are going, so I figured it's time for an update.
Things between Otis and me have gone from bad, to worse, to gut-wrenchingly horrible. We can't speak at all without the situation turning into a full blown nuclear holocaust. And I'm not ashamed to admit that 99% of the time, I'm the one dropping the bombs. We text when necessary, but that's the extent of our contact. The last 3 weeks or so have been fairly quiet though, he steers clear of me, and I haven't gone too far out of my to cause him any misery, so that's good, I guess.
He doesn't seem at all concerned about the kids, doesn't talk to them, never calls, rarely sees them (not a surprise), but none of them seem to care. Ethan never asks about him, or for him, and the girls seem equally ambivalent.
I'm still full of soul-torching rage, and if one more person tells me to "let go of the anger" or that "time heals all wounds" I swear I'm going to vomit, after I gouge their eyes out with a chopstick. My burning rage is what keep me warm at night, when I'm all alone in my massive bed, and my thoughts of revenge are what get me out of bed every morning. That's just where I am right now, and I'm okay with that. Of course time heals, or at least dulls the pain, and I fully expect for that to happen, but it's not happening for me yet, so if slashing a tire or two, smashing a windshield or draining a bank account is what I need to do to cope with where I am right now, you know what? I'm okay with that too.
I really wish I could spill it all here, air all the dirty laundry, out him for what and who he really is....but while it really would make me feel great for a few minutes, in the end, a lot of other people would be hurt. Even though this whole horrific disaster has left me more than a little jaded, and caring just a little bit less about other people's feelings, I'm not so far gone that I'd intentionally hurt anyone else, so this minor spewage from my black, shredded soul will have to do (can you say drama queen?)
I go out of my way to shield the kids from all the ugliness, they have no clue how bad things have gotten, or how crazy I've gone. They have no idea there's even any animosity. Yeah, yeah, kids know more than we think they do, blah, blah, blah. They're fine, I promise.
My life is going on, not the way I planned, not the way I wanted, but on it goes. Still hoping and praying we can stay in Japan, I have a new boss who seems to think a full-time position is a definite possibility, but the clock is ticking and I'm still worried.
So there it is. Not pretty, but I haven't castrated or killed anyone yet, I suppose that's a good thing, right?