Saturday, March 6, 2010

You asked for it.....

...an update of the UBs, that is. I've gotten lots of comments and e-mails lately, ever so gently and politely asking how things are going, so I figured it's time for an update.

Things between Otis and me have gone from bad, to worse, to gut-wrenchingly horrible. We can't speak at all without the situation turning into a full blown nuclear holocaust. And I'm not ashamed to admit that 99% of the time, I'm the one dropping the bombs. We text when necessary, but that's the extent of our contact. The last 3 weeks or so have been fairly quiet though, he steers clear of me, and I haven't gone too far out of my to cause him any misery, so that's good, I guess.

He doesn't seem at all concerned about the kids, doesn't talk to them, never calls, rarely sees them (not a surprise), but none of them seem to care. Ethan never asks about him, or for him, and the girls seem equally ambivalent.

I'm still full of soul-torching rage, and if one more person tells me to "let go of the anger" or that "time heals all wounds" I swear I'm going to vomit, after I gouge their eyes out with a chopstick. My burning rage is what keep me warm at night, when I'm all alone in my massive bed, and my thoughts of revenge are what get me out of bed every morning. That's just where I am right now, and I'm okay with that. Of course time heals, or at least dulls the pain, and I fully expect for that to happen, but it's not happening for me yet, so if slashing a tire or two, smashing a windshield or draining a bank account is what I need to do to cope with where I am right now, you know what? I'm okay with that too.

I really wish I could spill it all here, air all the dirty laundry, out him for what and who he really is....but while it really would make me feel great for a few minutes, in the end, a lot of other people would be hurt. Even though this whole horrific disaster has left me more than a little jaded, and caring just a little bit less about other people's feelings, I'm not so far gone that I'd intentionally hurt anyone else, so this minor spewage from my black, shredded soul will have to do (can you say drama queen?)

I go out of my way to shield the kids from all the ugliness, they have no clue how bad things have gotten, or how crazy I've gone. They have no idea there's even any animosity. Yeah, yeah, kids know more than we think they do, blah, blah, blah. They're fine, I promise.

My life is going on, not the way I planned, not the way I wanted, but on it goes. Still hoping and praying we can stay in Japan, I have a new boss who seems to think a full-time position is a definite possibility, but the clock is ticking and I'm still worried.

So there it is. Not pretty, but I haven't castrated or killed anyone yet, I suppose that's a good thing, right?

7 comments:

Robin Vistnes said...

Didn't sound dramatic to me at all :)...
But really Slime, tell us how you really feel.

The Reedys said...

Hey lady. Again, kudos to you for your honesty. I can only imagine what you are going through right now...keep truckin'...keep writing.. and i'll keep reading :)

Bryn said...

R - since you know the whole nasty story, you know I'm not just a psycho and that he deserves a shitload more than what I'm giving.

Kassia - thanks so much! I was worried people would read this and think I'm a total nutjob (I'm really only a partial nutjob!)

Lily said...

You are incredible. I can't believe that you haven't slandered the man on your blog. I can only imagine what you are going through and in my imagination if I were going through a fraction of what you have been going through I would have wiped his arse on my computer and hung it up for everyone to see.
I hope you can stay in Japan and have a unbelievably awesome life without him as your revenge.

thefukases said...

Yeah! (ok, just realised that's not really the most obvious first response to this post but...) I have been holding my breath waiting to hear that you will be able to stay here. Hearing that it's a good possibility is great news!

Here's to smooth sailing for the rest of your issues and hope the cherry blossoms and warmer weather do *something* to help with the stress.

Slime said...

Lily - great minds think alike! I've have some affirmations stuck on my bathroom mirror, the biggest one right in the center says "The best revenge is a life well lived!"

Fuka-chan - Thanks! Def. looking forward to hanami and pulling together a plan for some Oki beach time w/ the kiddos (complients of that drained bank account!), both will def. do wonders for my stress level!

Rebecca said...

Only you know what you're going through and you know what you need to take care of yourself and your family....and as long as there's no possibility of jail time, I say 'Go for it'! Love ya.